I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever…

It is easy to imagine that here and now, while I sit comfortably in my air-conditioned prayer room.
And even easier when I imagine the sea of glass before His throne.
I pray that I remember that, that it is fully written on my heart in these days that are to come.

ps 143

Mostly 143: 5-11

I remember the days of old; 
I meditate on all Your works;
I muse on the work of Your hands.

I spread out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You like a thirsty land;

Answer me speedily, O Lord;
My spirit fails!
Do not hide Your face from me,
Lest I be like those who go down into the pit.

Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning.
For You I do trust;
Cause me to know the way in which I should walk.
For I lift up my soul to You. 

Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies;
In You I take shelter.
Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Your spirit is good.
Lead me in the land of uprightness.

Revive me, O Lord, for Your name’s sake!
For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble.

Trusting

I’ve found that it always comes down to that. 
Do I trust Him?
Do I believe He holds everything in His hand?
Do I believe He looks at me with favor?

I still fight for myself before I realize I have someone greater fighting for me. 

It has been a year of learning to trust, learning to wait. 

While I started the year out asking God for the ability to understand trust for the ability to actually live in it, I don’t think I expected such a long process or that in the end I would be able to throw up my hands and say God I give it to You, I trust in You. 

The best part- He is always always what I need.  I have found the reward is so simple and quick when I simply say, “I trust Your leadership”

It has become so apparent to me when I am still holding on to something and working it through of my own strength.  

When you have to run… run this way

Intimacy refers to wholeheartedness produced by meditating on God’s nature and affections towards us. It causes us to want to draw close to Him and serve Him wholeheartedly. The idea is this: “a lover will always outwork a worker.” Filling our minds with the knowledge of God’s character and heart towards us will produce energy in our spirits to give ourselves to 100% obedience.

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We need to allow the intimacy to be awakened.
We need to allow God to call us to Him.

I need to welcome the yearn for something more,
and feed it rightly.

There is always more than one choice.
It is our responsibility to make a decision and follow through.

I am 24 years old.

I think that it probably doesn’t matter too much.
But I haven’t fully allowed myself to think about it.

I have been busy lately.
I have also wasted a lot of time.

It is very possible to be busy and even productive,
but also be lazy and wasting time.

The issue of whole heart
and giving your all
and doing your best
is an issue I feel I could work on.

Grace-

grace      /greɪs/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[greys] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, graced, grac·ing.

–noun

1.	elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.

2.	a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.

3.	favor or good will.

4.	a manifestation of favor, esp. by a superior: It was only through the dean’s grace that I wasn’t expelled from school.

5.	mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.

6.	favor shown in granting a delay or temporary immunity.

7.	an allowance of time after a debt or bill has become payable granted to the debtor before suit can be brought against him or her or a penalty applied: The life insurance premium is due today, but we have 31 days’ grace before the policy lapses. Compare grace period.

8.

Theology. a. the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. b. the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. c. a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces. d. Also called state of grace. the condition of being in God’s favor or one of the elect.

9.	moral strength: the grace to perform a duty.

10.	a short prayer before or after a meal, in which a blessing is asked and thanks are given.

11.	(usually initial capital letter) a formal title used in addressing or mentioning a duke, duchess, or archbishop, and formerly also a sovereign (usually prec. by your, his, etc.).

12.	Graces, Classical Mythology. the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.

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Nowhere in this is grace an excuse
to be anything less than.
It is in fact the opposite- it is actually what gives us
the unnatural ability to be better than or forgiven-
- not justified.

Ps 45 again…

Listen, O daughter.
Consider and incline your ear;
forget your own people also,
and forget your fathers house;
So the King will greatly desire your beauty;
Because He is your Lord,
worship Him.

Ps 43

I have never really been able to relate to David’s cries for vidication.
And I don’t think I have felt the
pain and relief of crying out to God for my downcast soul.

-Until recently-
Figures that I would be soaring with joy one day
only to find myself in despertion the next day,
 under serious attack from satan.

Fortunately God loves me,
is merciful, finds his delight in me.

Today I can say that I think I have the slightest bit of understanding
of what David was talking about in
Ps 43:

VINDICATE me, O God,

And plead my cause against an ungodly nation;
Oh, deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man!
For You are the God of my strength;
Why do You cast me off?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

Oh, send out Your light and Your truth!
Let them lead me;
Let them bring me to Your holy hill
And to Your tabernacle.

Then I will go to the altar of God,
To God my exceeding joy;
And on the harp I will praise You,
O God, my God.

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God

Wisdom 101

Wisdom does not need to tell everyone about it’s wisdom.

Foolishness tells people about it’s wisdom- or lack there of.

I hate when my immaturity is revealed to me.
Then again- I would rather know about it so I can work on it.

And God loves me- and lets me see said immaturity
without having someone point it out to me.
(Hopefully before my foolishness is apparent to everyone.)

I guess that is conviction coming from where it should come from.
Now I pray for the grace to walk in wisdom.

-Joy-

I have joy.
 I feel like I could go around singing about how my cup is running over, 
there is joy in my heart.
It seems really cheesy… but it is true.

The whole my heart overflows with a good theme thing
is actually going on in my heart. — It is incredible.

I have joy- I am glad- I have strength. I understand that God delights in me.
Well I try to. I guess it is something I am trying to understand.

My God is good- and He delights in me.

His joy is in me.

And His joy is my strength.
- That is all scripture… and it is also how I actually feel.

I shouldn’t be surprised by this.
It is His promise.
Yet another thing that brings Him joy-
upholding His promise- fulfilling the desires of my heart.

It causes Him joy, which in turn causes me strength in my soul.

And again I have to say- My God is good.
And I should expect it; I should have faith in that fact.

I understand wanting everyone to know this joy.
I understand wanting everyone to be fulfilled. 
 There is a desire for communion.
We were created to take part in the desire and satisfaction of deep communion.